Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

-An old one from 2008, but I'll keep you-

**WARNING**  The following excretion of ideas and opinions is filled with run-on sentences and neglectful grammar.  Readers be advised.


Let me preface by saying that John Carpenter's Halloween is my all time, absolute favorite movie of it's genre.  I think the simplicity of it is genius.  The acting was far from great, and the budget was nowhere near what Hollywood movies waste today, but a simple story, some innovative camera work, and a William Shatner mask made it a classic.  Perfect in its original state, it should have remained locked in a vault where no dread locked, alt-rock-goth "musician?" could butcher it and try to make it his own.  Don't get me wrong, I do like Rob Zombie's vision of horror as depicted in House of 1000 Corpses.  I think he did a fine job with that, but it was an original idea.  Here, in his re-make of Halloween, he takes some of it's original elements, including music, spoken lines, etc. but then twists it all up into HIS idea of how it should be.  First of all, I understand that society today has recognized a pattern with psychopaths, that they come from abusive backgrounds, drunken stepfathers, and stripper mothers.  Too many mouths to feed in a roach infested apartment where the landlord continuously bangs on the door demanding rent, but the knocks are rarely heard over the yelling from the dysfunctional family inside. Phew!  But isn't it scarier when a crazed vengeful murderer is the product of exactly the opposite?  Thanks Rob, but we didn't need to know where Michael's rage came from, it was cooler to believe that perhaps, in some supernatural way, he was driven by the Devil himself.
I would next like to address the casting of the movie.  The pairing of two 30 year old actresses with the real life 18 year old who played Laurie Strode was absurd.  Did he think we wouldn't notice!?  They're ALL supposed to be in high school but Kristina Klebe, who played Linda, looked as if she could have played Laurie's mother.  Mr. Zombie might as well have cast P.J Soles herself, the original Linda, and maybe it would have been more believable.  I will give minimal credit to Ms. Danielle Harris, who has come a long way from playing little sis to Christina Applegate in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, and the little girl dressed as a clown in Halloween 5 or something.  HER "death scene" was almost believable.  Good job. I guess the short to this long and somewhat pointless rant (because, yes, I could keep going) is that when I saw this re-make in the theaters I was so disgusted and disappointed and swore never to watch it again, but after some time and reflection I decided to give the dvd a quick once through and decided, it STILL SUCKS!  Everyone should go out and watch the original to get a feel for what real scary movies look and sound like.
That, I think, is all I have to say.

Deadgirl (2008)

The sun is high in the sky this afternoon and practically punched me in the face when I walked out of the comforts of my central air conditioned apartment.   "Damn yous hot sun!"  I muttered while waving a fist at the jerky star.  I don't mind the sun so much, it's the uncomfortable heat that comes with it.  I'll likely shower 3 times a day if the temperature reaches above 80.  That's just me. 
You ever notice how things just smell either better or worse in the heat as well?  I mean, sure, you walk past a lilac bush and the fragrance is spectacular on a hot day, but walk past a sewage drain or a dead squirrel and, forget it.
This reminds me of the movie Deadgirl.  A strange transition, I know.  I found out about Deadgirl from a side advertisement on Facebook.  I'm a huge believer in "judging a book by it's cover" or rather, being intrigued by merely an image or a name.  This ad did both.  "Deadgirl" with a creepy, greenish face to accompany it.  I immediately got my hands on it and watched it.
Very rarely, and i mean VERY rarely, do I watch a movie and at the end of it sit uncomfortably numb thinking "Wait.  What??"  But really, what??
Two young boys, Ricky and JT, obviously from the wrong side of the tracks; obviously because we all know that alcoholic, disengaged parents breed degenerate children; skip school to go drink at an abandoned hospital.  After a can of beer each they proceed to trash the place in an 80's style montage of generic rock music and a whole bunch of throwing loose papers and tipping old desks and chairs over.  Then, they go esplorin'.  In the basement, sealed off in a hidden room, they find a girl, covered with a sheet of plastic, who appears to be dead, but isn't.  Naturally, when two teenage boys come across a naked, female body in restraints on an examining table, they will have sex with her, right?  Then they will use said girl as a sex slave, killing her over and over again in the heat of passion, because they can, because "she won't die".  Then, when the usual "places" are out of commission for sex, they will use the bullet wounds that don't heal and have become putrid and filled with puss, right?.  They will then invite friends from high school, to join in on the fun, right?  Because one person being this depraved and mad just isn't enough, right?!  EW!  But that's why this movie is so genius.  It's simple, but it's cringe-worthy brilliance tugs at your conscience like an eager child at your side.  
Without giving too much away, I highly recommend you seeing this for yourself.  I've had mixed reviews from family and friends but this movie makes the top 5 for me.  It's brutal, it's bizarre, it's unlike any "Zombie" movie I've ever seen and it genuinely creeped me out. 
On a side note, the make-up was quite fantastic.  Throughout the movie our Deadgirl becomes more and more gruesome, and fantastic, for those of us who appreciate such things.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0896534/